1.23 - Imperfection

Danisha had been sitting by her daughter's bedside for what felt like an eternity, even though it had only been a day.  If only they'd been a second faster this wouldn't have happened...  Everyone assured her that she shouldn't be so upset.  Erika's life wasn't in any danger and never had been, but it had been so close...

Danisha also knew that her daughter would not handle her awakening very well.  Anyone would be upset by what happened.  First there was likely the trauma from the kidnapping, then the trauma from nearly being killed, not to mention the injuries...  What should she even say to Erika when she woke up?

Just as Danisha thought this she heard a faint noise and saw Erika stirring on the bed.  She'd been asleep for quite a while, both a result of the sedatives the doctors gave her and then as a result of the exhaustion that she felt after being on such an adrenaline high for so long.  And since she was still pumped full of pain meds she was unsurprisingly groggy as she slowly propped herself up and tried to focus her eyes on her mom.

"Danisha...?  Where am I... what's going on...?" she asked slowly, her words only slightly slurred.

"Oh, Erika!  You're finally awake!" Danisha exclaimed, rushing her daughter and throwing her arms around her.

Erika didn't know quite how to react and slowly put her arms around her mother while staring at her.  Her head was still foggy and there was a throbbing sensation on the side of her face...

"Danisha... please.  Tell me what happened to me?  Where are we?" Erika insisted.  She needed answers.  The last thing she remembered was being in that warehouse the criminals brought her to.  She'd been trying to talk her way out of getting killed.  But that's all she really remembered.  She felt like she heard the police arrive at the very end but...

"You were kidnapped by a criminal organization.  They thought you were the one who killed the burglar in our apartment.  They were retaliating for that since he worked for them.  Fortunately, one of my co-workers had a contact who spotted them taking you so we were able to organize a rescue.  I was so worried about you," Danisha explained and Erika nodded slowly, although it didn't answer her most pressing questions.  When her mother didn't immediately continue her explanation, Erika pressed again.

"But what happened then?  I remember being kidnapped, but I don't remember how I got here," Erika prompted, looking earnestly up at her mother.

"Well... when we broke into the warehouse we startled the organization leader, Morrigan Hemlock who was arrested so you don't need to worry about her coming after you again any time soon, and the gun went off.  Fortunately, because she was startled, the gun veered off course.  Unfortunately it ended up striking the electric box behind you which resulted in a spark.  Your hair caught fire.  The doctors had to shave off the damaged portion so that's why some of your hair is missing..." Danisha explained, only to trail off.  And suddenly Erika became hyper-aware of the throbbing on the side of your face.

"What happened to my face...?" she asked softly, her voice barely above a whisper.

"There... there is some scarring.  But the doctors assured me that it will fade given some time.  It looks bad now because it's still healing.  But once it's fully healed up a little bit of foundation and concealer should make it so nobody even notices," Danisha assured, although she couldn't look straight at Erika as she said that.  Her daughter was a high school girl.  She knew that the promise that it would fade wouldn't be any consolation right now.

"Scars...?" Erika repeated weakly, not taking it well just as Danisha had thought she might.

"...see.  Let me see!" Erika cried, searching the hospital room until she spotted a mirror on the side wall.

"Calm down, Erika.  Don't let yourself get so worked up.  You're still weak," Danisha protested when Erika rushed over to it.  Erika wasn't even hearing her mother's words.  As her reflection came into view she went cold.  It was so much worse than she expected.  Her entire left side of her face was a red mass of burnt flesh.  It was impossible not to notice, especially that all of the hair around it which could have been used to cover it was gone.

"Oh god, oh god, oh god..." she repeated, horrified by her own image.

"I'm hideous... oh god.  I'm so ugly..." Erika whispered.  She couldn't bear looking at herself anymore and letting her head hang down.  Of all the outcomes she had imagined, this had not been one of them.  How was she supposed to live with herself anymore?

"It's really not that bad, honey.  It just looks bad because the wounds are still fresh.  It will fade," Danisha promised, trying to comfort her daughter.

But Erika didn't want to be comforted right now.  Nothing could make her feel better right now.  And her mother's assurances just sounded like cheap platitudes at the moment.  "Please, just leave me alone right now," Erika begged softly.

"But, dear..." Danisha started to protest, only for Erika to caught her off.

"I just want to be alone!  Go away!" she shouted, unable to bear anyone else around her right now.  For a moment it seemed that her mother would continue to try to comfort her, but finally she heard the sounds of her mother's footsteps fading away.  And when she was finally sure she was alone she sank down to the floor and cried for her lost perfection.

Erika was released from the hospital after they ran some checks and confirmed she was in perfect health.  Well, not perfect, given the horrific wounds to her face, but the doctor seemed to think it counted as 'perfect' indicating his obviously low standards.  But Erika said nothing because there was really nothing to say.

When they got home, Danisha tried to talk to her some more but she was in no mood to talk.  She pleaded exhaustion and went straight to bed.

Fortunately for Erika, her mother offered to let her take some days off of school to 'recuperate'.  Erika didn't need to do any such thing.  What she did need, however, was to keep anyone from seeing her face.  When Collin called to ask if he could come visit she begged him off.  She couldn't let him see her like this.  Fortunately, she was able to keep him satisfied with calls and messaging online.

She'd never really understood her brother's fixation with talking to people over the internet rather than face to face... until now.  Now she was very grateful that this option existed.

She also could no longer be bothered to care about the rest of her look either.  With her face, the most important aspect of her appearance, destroyed, what point was there in perfection in the rest of her?  You couldn't be only somewhat perfect.  So when her mother cooked greasy pasta for dinner the night after her release from the hospital she didn't complain.  Nor did she complain about any other fattening meal her mother put in front of her.

Even when her mother asked her what she wanted she just told her mom to make whatever.  It really didn't matter anymore.

After a few days had passed, her mother breached the subject of Erika's melancholy with her at dinner.  "When were you thinking of going back to school, dear?" Danisha prompted, looking at her daughter with concern.  She simply hadn't been the same since the kidnapping.  And while that was to be expected, it was still troubling to see and Danisha was starting to worry her daughter would never get back to normal.

"I'm keeping up on my school work, aren't I?" Erika mumbled in response.

"That's not the problem, dear.  You haven't left the apartment in almost a week.  It isn't healthy to shut yourself in here like this," Danisha insisted.

"Nielson stayed shut in his room most of the time," Erika pointed out.

"But not all the time.  He still went to school, and occasionally went out with what few friends he had.  And if it was just your personality I wouldn't be so worried, but you used to spend a great deal of your time at school, with friends, or with your boyfriend.  You haven't seen any of them," Danisha continued, not letting her daughter change the subject again.  She was going to get Erika to come to terms with what had happened and start working through these feelings no matter what.

"It's nothing.  You don't have to be so worried.  I'm fine," Erika insisted, although the way she wouldn't look at her mother was hardly reassuring.

Danisha was about to say something more when the doorbell rang.  "I'll get it," she assured, watching as Erika quickly finished her meal and went to wash her dishes.  She probably intended to hide herself in her room until whoever was at the door was gone.

Danisha said nothing to stop her and went to the door.  When she saw who it was she smiled.  "Thank you so much for coming."

"Of course I came.  If you think that it will help Erika, I'm more than happy to do anything you need me to," Collin assured, smiling at Erika's mother.

"I'm hoping you can talk to her and get her to start seeing that this isn't the end of the world.  Like I explained over the phone, she isn't really traumatized by the kidnapping or any of that, it's the after effects that have her so upset.  She always was quite proud of her looks," Danisha commented, looking worried.

"I know.  Believe me, I know.  I'll do the best I can," Collin assured.  He couldn't make any promises, but he wanted Erika to be back to the happy confident girl he'd always known too.

"Thank you very much.  If you need anything, let me know," Danisha urged.

Danisha stepped aside to let Collin into the apartment.  She pointed out which room was Erika's bedroom and he thanked her before heading to it.  The door was closed but unlocked and he took a deep breath before letting himself inside.  He probably should have let Erika know who it was before coming in, but he was half-afraid she'd barricade the door if she knew he'd come to see her, given how vehemently she'd refused to let him come over when he'd called.  Multiple times.

When he stepped inside she was sitting at her computer and didn't immediately seem to realize he was even there.

"Um, hi Erika," he greeted nervously, wondering how she was going to react to him being there.

She immediately jerked up from her seat and whirled around.  And when she saw who it was she stepped back.  "You!  What are you doing here!" she exclaimed.  Not the reaction he'd been hoping for.

"I came to see you.  I've been really worried about you and the fact that you haven't been coming to school.  I'm so happy to see you're okay," Collin exclaimed and stepped forward in an attempt to hug his girlfriend.

"Don't touch me!  Don't pretend you want to hug me!" Erika exclaimed, recoiling from him which both shocked and hurt Erika.

"Pretend?  Why do you think I'm pretending?" he asked uncertainly, his arms hanging awkwardly in the air now.

"Don't act like nothing's changed!  I'm hideous now.  I never wanted you to see me like this.  I'm so ugly you probably can't even look at me.  So just say you want to break up with me and leave.  That's the only reason you're here, I know it," Erika cried, hiding her face in her hand so that Collin wouldn't be able to see the scars anymore.

"Erika, why would you think I want to break up with you?  That's not why I came here.  Do you really think I'd break up with you over such a little thing?" Collin asked, hurt that she thought he was so superficial.

"Little thing?  Little thing?!  How dare you say this is a little thing!  My face is destroyed and you're calling it a little thing!" Erika shouted, her sorrow turning into rage in an instant.

"I'm sorry!" Collin exclaimed, going back on the defensive again.  "That's really not what I meant," he assured, not really sure what to do or say anymore.  He'd never seen her so emotional before.  She was always calm and in control.  Honestly, she'd always taken the lead with their relationship so now that it was his turn to do so he wasn't sure if he had the capability to do so.  But he still needed to try.  For her sake.

"Look, it's true that things have changed.  I know that.  You've been through a terrible ordeal and have the scars to show for it.  What I'm trying to say is that my feelings have never been based just on your physical appearance.  No matter what you look like, I still love you," Collin insisted, desperately hoping that Erika would believe him.  He didn't want to lose her when she needed him most.

"You dare to say that you still love me when you look at me like this?" Erika demanded, looking at him with disbelief.  There was nobody who didn't take appearance into consideration when choosing a partner.  And Collin was handsome enough to have anyone he wanted.  He should pick someone better than her now.

Collin gazed at her and as he did the full moon rose into the sky, filling the room with a haunting light.  "I love you.  Even looking at you now I still love you.  Like I said, this doesn't change anything for me.  It's true that I've always thought that you were beautiful, but that was hardly the only reason I loved you.  Your personality, your confidence, your strength, all of those things have attracted me ever since we were kids," Collin assured as he gazed at her.

The intensity of his gaze and the honesty in his eyes honestly disarmed Erika and she couldn't say anything in response.

"You..." Erika began, but couldn't find words.  "You're the biggest idiot I know.  I can't believe that you still love me even though..." she muttered, only to have Collin cut her off.

"This...?" he asked, reaching up and gently brushing his fingers across her scar.  It had been healing for over a week and no longer throbbed.  Although it was disappointing that she couldn't feel his touch very well through the damaged tissue, she still leaned into it.  "This isn't so bad.  It will fade with time.  And it's done nothing to take away the beauty of your eyes," he assured.

"That was such a corny line," Erika murmured with a soft chuckle, feeling herself blush.  The fear and anger was slowly melting away as Collin flattered her.

"But it worked, didn't it?" Collin prompted with a wide grin.

"Collin, I want you to do something for me," Erika spoke up suddenly, looking hopefully at him.

"Of course, anything," Collin replied immediately.

"I want you to make me feel beautiful," she requested.

"Of course, I..." Collin replied, pulling up his wide repertoire of compliments for her.  But she placed a finger on his lips just as he was starting to speak.

"Not like that," Erika murmured and suddenly Collin realized what she meant.  He hesitated for a moment, blushing, before he nodded.  Slowly, they both stripped off their clothes until they were just in their underwear.  Erika went to the bed and lay down on it, holding her breath until Collin climbed on the bed on top of her.

"Are you sure about this?" Collin asked, wanting to make sure that she really wanted this.  He didn't even think about her mother in the apartment with them.  If this was what Erika really wanted, then he'd happily give it to her.

"I am.  Can you do it?" Erika asked, looking seriously at him.  To answer her, Collin covered her mouth with a kiss.

They tried to keep their voices down as they clumsily made their way through their first time.  It was awkward, especially given the small bed that they nearly tumbled out of a number of times.  Collin could hardly say that he was proud of their performance, but the anxiety that Erika had been carried seemed to spill out as she clung to him and when they finished she seemed extremely peaceful in her sleep.

Collin only hoped that he'd eased the insecurities that she held and brought her some comfort as he gently kissed her as she slept.

Now he just needed to find some way to face her mother without it being horribly awkward when it was time for him to leave.  But he wouldn't deal with that just yet.  Right now he just wanted to enjoy being together with her again.


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Hello everyone!  Here's the newest chapter for you.  Some of you probably already guessed what the outcome of the previous chapter was going to be but here it is.  I was seriously debating splitting this up into two chapters, but I didn't want to leave Erika suffering for too long so I decided to include her make-up session with Collin in this chapter.  I so love Collin's character.  He's such a sweetheart.  And I hope you also enjoyed seeing Erika vulnerable for a change.  She's always been the one sort-of in control but I really wanted to show that she is still human and there are things that can really get to her.  I hope you enjoyed this chapter.  Thank you all for reading!